Bigenda bite ngo abashakanye batandukane batanamaze kabiri mu rugo?
Mu mibereho ya muntu ntawutishimira kugira umuryango, akawubamo yishimye kandi akishimana n’abe. Icyakora nanone ntawushaka umugabo cyangwa umugore, afite gahunda yo gutandukana n’uwo umutima we wihebeye.
Ku munsi w’ubukwe, imiryango, inshuti n’abavandimwe, ku mpande zombi bataha ubukwe bw’umusore n’umukobwa bishimye kandi bagatanga impano.
Amafaranga aba yahatikiriye ngo ubukwe bugende neza, akana ko mu jisho mu gihe cyo kurambagizanya no gukoresha imbuga nkorambaga, ugaragaza urwo wihebeye uwo wakunze, ibyo ntawabigarukaho.
Inkuru ishaririye buri wese atakwishimira kumva mu matwi ye, ni ukumva ngo abahuje imiryango batandukanye, nyamara nta gihe gishize bashakanye.
Dr. Chaste Uwihoreye, Umwarimu muri Kaminuza y’u Rwanda akaba ari umwe mu bavuzi bita ku bantu bafite ibikomere harimo n’imiryango yakomeretse, yabwiye Imvaho Nshya ko hari impamvu zishobora gutuma abantu bahita batandukana.
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Imwe mu mpamvu atanga ni uko abashakanye baba batarateguye umushinga wabo neza kuko ngo umuryango ni umushinga utegurwa kandi ukagira abanyamigabane ari bo umugabo n’umugore.
Agira ati: “Ubundi kugira ngo utegure umushinga w’umuryango cyangwa w’urugo, abantu basigaye batekereza ko ari amafaranga kandi atari amafaranga gusa, hari imico umuntu aba afite, icyo ni igishoro cya mbere.
[…] hari wowe ubwawe uko uteye kuva hasi kugera hejuru ariko hari n’uko uteye imbere, amarangamutima n’imyitwarire, ibyo byose ni ibintu uzana ndetse hari igihe uba ufite ibikomere by’imbere na byo urabizana.”
Dr Uwihoreye avuga ko imitima ikomeretse idaturana. Iyi ngo ni indi mpamvu ituma abashakanye batandukana kuko hari ushobora kuza azanye ihungabana ariko umuntu bagiye kubana atabizi.
Ati: “Ushobora kujya gushaka, uwo mushakanye utazi ko afite umutima ukomeretse, mwagera mu rugo ugasanga arakomeretse cyangwa nawe urakomeretse, iyo mitima rero ntishobora guturana.
Iyo abantu batabiteguye neza ngo bamenyane, bamenye uko bazabigenza bashobora kugenda bagahura n’ibibazo.”
Akomeza agira ati: “Ugezeyo usanze uwo mwashakanye anywa itabi kandi utari ubizi, ugezeyo uwo mwashakanye usanze yari yarakubeshye ikintu runaka usanze atariko bimeze […].
Ushobora kugerayo utari uzi ko afite umwana hanze, ibyo bintu kuko biri buze guhita bikurura amarangamutima y’ako kanya, mushobora no guhita mutandukana biturutse ku migirire y’umwe mu bashakanye.
Ibyinshi bishingira ku kudategura urugo neza kugira ngo ibyibanze no kumenyana no kumva ibyo ugiyemo n’uwo mugiye kubana uwo ari we.”
Indi mpamvu itangwa na Dr. Uwihoreye, umwarimu muri Kaminuza y’u Rwanda, ni uko ngo akenshi abagiye gushakana baba bakiri batoya.
Agaragaza ko hari ujya gushinga urugo atari rwo agiye gushinga, akavuga ko agiye gushaka amafaranga, ubuyobozi, icyubahiro, akaba atagiye gushinga urugo ahubwo ugiye kubana n’umuntu kubera ikindi kintu ashaka.
Ati: “Iyo ugiye gushinga umuryango kugira ngo ubone amafaranga, menya ko wayobye inzira yo gushaka amafaranga, wayobye n’inzira yo gushinga urugo.”
Mu gihe cyo kurambagiza, ni byiza kubanza kumenya niba uwo mugiye gushingana urugo umwiyumvamo, ukongera ukamureba uko ateye umubiri, imyitwarire ye, amarangamutima ye, ngo ukareba niba koko uwo muntu mugiye gushingana urugo ari we mukwiranye.
Dr Uwihoreye avuga ko ugiye gushaka agomba kwibaza niba yarateguye urugo, niba ari ukurutegura, yaruteguye mu buryo bwe bw’ubushobozi ndetse n’amarangamutima.
Akomeza agira ati: “Umuryango ntabwo uri umushinga wawe bwite, ni umushinga w’umuryango. Iyo usanze warabiteguye kandi utagiye kubibamo wenyine kuko n’ubibamo wenyine ushobora kutabigeraho, urakomeza.”
Mbere yo gushaka, avuga ko umusore cyangwa umukobwa abanza guha ishusho y’umuryango we mbere yuko ahasanga ibibazo, akabanza kuhareba atarahagera.
Ati: “Iyo utazi aho ujya, aho ugeze hose ugira ngo ni ho wajyaga. Biba byiza ko ugiye gushinga umuryango, uwureba mbere y’uko uwugeramo hanyuma wamara kuwureba ukawujyamo kandi ugafatanya n’uwo mugiye kurushingana.”
Ahamya ko urugo ari ikintu cyiza, abantu benshi bafite ubwoba ko imiryango irimo gusenyuka, akavuga ko koko hari imiryango ifite ibibazo ariko ko hari n’imiryango myinshi ibayeho yishimye.
Ati: “Nababwira ko umuryango ari wo shingiro ry’ubuzima, ntimutinye gushinga imiryango.”
Umunyamategeko Jean Paul Ibambe yavuze ko hari imihango iba mbere y’ubukwe ariko hari n’ibyo amategeko ateganya bikurikizwa cyangwa biba mbere yuko abantu bashakana.
Ati: “Icya mbere hari icyo imiryango ibanza ikareba cyangwa n’abantu bakamenyana, bagakundana. Simpamya ko abantu bahura bagakundana, bakajya kubana bafite gahunda yo guhita batandukana.”
Mu kiganiro yahaye Imvaho Nshya yavuze ko hari igihe kigera abashakanye bagashwana ariko no mu rwego rw’amategeko hari ibindi biba byabaye birimo no kubasobanurira ibyo bagiyemo, bakabaranga, bakabigisha kandi bakabasobanurira iby’amategeko nyuma bakagirana n’amasezerano yo gushyingirwa.
Mu gihe umunyarwanda washakanye n’umunyamahanga bashaka gutandukanda byemewe n’amategeko, umunyamategeko Jean Paul Ibambe avuga ko mu mategeko mbonezamubano bareba aho amasezerano yakorewe, niba barasezeraniye mu Rwanda, hagakurikizwa amategeko y’u Rwanda.
